Brrrrrrrr...Oh baby it's cold outside!

Need I say more?

Merry Christmas to all!

I borrowed this idea from Carol.

This is my Christmas Card to everyone.

Merry Christmas and a very happy and healthy New Year.

click here:
http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1678207513

You have to watch it for a bit after you think it's done. Hilarious!

The Cowboy Boots

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)
Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off

than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?", like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em." Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

How are you today?

Often when we meet one another, we ask the simple question, "How are you today?" Most of the time, this is not an honest question because we are not really looking for a real answer. Of course, we all understand this; we know that an honest answer isn't expected and we simply say, "Fine." We implicitly know that the person who asked the question would probably neither have the time nor the interest in receiving a full and honest answer, so we tell them what they want to hear - "Fine".
Somewhat humorous, here's how one person answered the question, "How are you feeling today?"
I'm fine, thank you.
There is nothing the matter with me.
I'm as healthy as I can be.
I have arthritis in both my knees,
and when I talk, I talk with a wheeze.
My pulse is weak, and my blood is thin,
but I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
Arch supports I have for my feet
or I wouldn't be able to be on the street.
Sleep is denied me night after night,
but every morning I find I'm all right.
My memory is failing, my head's in a spin,
but I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
The moral is this, as my tale I unfold,
that for you and me who are growing old,
It's better to say "I'm fine" with a grin
than to let folks know the shape we are in.
How do I know that my youth is all spent?
Well, my "get up and go" just got up and went,
But I really don't mind when I think with a grin
of all the grand places my "get up" has been.
Old age is golden, I've heard it said;
but sometimes I wonder as I get into bed,
With my ears in the drawer my teeth in a cup,
my eyes on the table until I wake up.
Ere sleep overtakes me, I say to myself,
"Is there anything else I could lay on the shelf?"
When I was young my slippers were red,
I could kick my heels over my head.
When I was older my slippers were blue,
but I still could dance the whole night through.
Now I am old, my slippers are black,
I walk to the store and puff my way back.
I get up each morning and dust off my wits
and pick up the paper and read the obits.
If my name is still missing, I know I'm not dead,
so I fix me some breakfast and go back to bed.

Do you feel like that some days?

Jokes

I got these in an email from my BC friends * These made me chuckle. If you are blonde, old or dead, I am not trying to offend you.

At Your Funeral... Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Merle commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in peoples lives."
Don said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!

Passing Gas... A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. When I pass gas I never smell and I am always silent. As a matter of fact, I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was passing because I don't smell and I am silent." The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now when I pass gas ...although I'm still silent... I stink terribly." The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

* Overweight... A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from all that skipping."

Knitting... A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!" "NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
Speeding Ticket... A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

*The Vacuum... A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"'"